When I write like no one is watching and no one will understand, that's when I understand the most. Seeing myself through my reader's eyes is me betraying my authenticity. I remind myself I have not met them all yet, and thus I learn I have not met myself yet.
If I write what should make sense to you, you have already read that somewhere. Why must I write what's been said before? Why must I keep you safe? I feel quite unsafe to repeat what's been said already. If I were okay with what's already been written, I'd not have started my quest.
Same with you, why must you do with your creativity what's been done before? For an artist to truly see herself in her eyes, and see for who she is, she has to go to places that no one will understand. The place where the artist herself doesn't understand. This is where the work starts. An original creator is in the depths of uncertainty. It's not an aspiration any longer. It's a desperation.
These are not beautiful places, but by the time you are there, you are not looking for beauty. You realize that the quest for pretty was futile. You are over it. You just want your truth. Or if possible, less lies. And there's nothing more exhilarating than how your mind can write about the most disturbing places it goes. In the grips of it all, it frees you.
And if what you wrote were to ever come to light, you'd be lit up first. Because when you write like yourself, you are effortlessly you, and you cannot be separated from your art. It makes you as much as you make it. So arrive within, walk within, go deeper, and create like no one is watching; your art is your inward show.
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